“It happens sometimes. Friends come in and out of our lives, like busboys in a restaurant.”

That was my favorite line from the 1986 blockbuster hit, Stand By Me.   And it’s true, you know. It happens to all of us. Think about the different waves of friends that have come and gone in your own life. The ones you made in elementary school. The ones you made in high school. The ones you made in college or the military. The ones from your first job. The ones from your second job. The ones from your current place of employment. Your church friends. Your civic club friends. The fact that friends will come and go is as inevitable as death or taxes.

And it’s bittersweet. Sweet in that we constantly have the opportunity to make new friends. Bitter in that chapters on certain friendships end. But it’s not as solemn as we may think. Yes, the chapter may end, but it doesn’t mean the story is over. Some friends leave our lives and we never see them again. But others…the ones that were true friends…they find a way of reentering your life at some point.

And I’ve found that some of the best friends I’ve made in my life were from my youth (after all…the name of this blog series is Lessons from the 80’s). I don’t know why our childhood friendships are some of the strongest. Maybe it’s because we had more opportunities to be crazy back then. Perhaps it’s because we were less guarded in our younger years and didn’t care as much about what others thought of us. For whatever reason, I seemed to create more lasting memories with my childhood buddies than any others. I remember good friends who were always there to help me out when I was in trouble. And I remember really good friends who were already planning to get into more trouble the next day. These are the ones. These are the friends that never truly leave us, whether they’re with us physically or not.

I was reminded of this fact earlier in the week. A very good high school buddy of mine, whom I haven’t had the pleasure of catching up with for close to 20 years, was in town on business. I can’t tell you how excited I was when he contacted me and asked if I had time to meet him and hang out for a while. His name is Brendon Stiles and he was one of my closest friends back in high school. Even back then, he had a good head on his shoulders, which was one of the many reasons I enjoyed spending time with him. I think, at 18, he knew what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. I admired that about him and wished I was that grounded. Now in my 40’s, I’m still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

But Brendon knew how to have fun too. I would love to share some of my fondest memories of time spent with him, but I’m not 100% confident that the statute of limitations has expired on everything we did. So I’ll just put a pin in that for the time being. He definitely kept life interesting and was unanimously elected President of the Bar Harbor Barbarians (the self-named group of the 8 of us who spent Senior week together at Myrtle Beach…in 1 hotel room, by the way). Senior Week lived up to the hype and even more memories were created. I’d love to include some in this blog, but one of the 7 other guys may decide to run for office one day and I don’t want to potentially mess that up. We spent the rest of the summer before college together, but that was it. Brendon and I eventually parted ways.

Brendon left town and attended undergraduate and medical school at the University of Virginia. He also completed his General Surgery Residency at UVA where he received several prestigious awards for clinical and teaching excellence, as well as for basic science research. I followed a very similar path. I also left town and attended Radford University. I spent 5 amazing years there until they politely asked me to leave. Something about my partying affecting my GPA…who can remember specifics? The point being…our lives led us down two very different roads. Brendon is now a world-renowned thoracic surgeon living in New York City with his wife and two children and doesn’t make it back home that often.

That’s why I was stoked to receive his phone call to hang out. In all honesty, I hadn’t talked to him in so long, I wasn’t really sure how the night would play out. Had our personalities changed too much over the last couple of decades for us to have anything to talk about? Would we still share any same interests or have any basic common denominators besides the fact that we both went to the same high school?

As soon as I entered the restaurant where we were meeting and made eye contact with him, all of my questions were answered. He shot me the same mischievous smile he used to wear right before he suggested something that we both knew would end poorly, but couldn’t wait to do anyway. We sat down and had a couple of beers and reminisced. And the 20-year gap may as well have been 20 minutes. We both picked up right where we left off in the summer of 1990. And the evening ended way too soon. But we had to call it an early night. Both of us had important presentations to give the next day. Dr. Stiles was speaking to the distinguished medical professionals at the Winchester Medical Center. And I was breaking out my best booger jokes as I conducted creative writing workshops for 2nd graders at South Jefferson Elementary School in West Virginia.

But that night, getting to hang out one more time with a man I’m proud to call a good friend, was one that I’ll remember for a long time. Sure, he’s not the same person he was in high school. Neither am I. We both changed through the years. But the friendship we forged remained and still remains resolute. The good ones do. How else can you take a 20-year break and pick up right where you left off? I’m already looking forward to the next time we get together. I just hope it’s not another 20 years in the making.

If it’s been a while since you’ve talked to an old school buddy or someone from your past, pick up the phone and give them a call. Forget texting or emailing. That’s not personal enough. Actually talk to them. I bet you’ll be surprised as to how close you two still are. There’s just something about the friends we make during the more innocent times in our lives. The really good ones were there for a reason. And they continue to be forever.

“I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Does anyone?” – my other favorite line from Stand By Me.