In addition to the influence of others, and the books I’ve read, I would argue that most of what has shaped me into who I am today are the lessons I learned from movies in the 1980s. It didn’t matter if the genres were action, comedy, drama, or horror, I always took something away from each film. Heck, there were even a couple of chick flicks thrown in there.

The lesson I’d like to share with you today is from the movie that gave us Patrick Swayze in his greatest role ever. Many would like to argue that Johnny Castle from Dirty Dancing wins out, but I respectfully disagree. While none of us will ever forget his iconic line of “Nobody puts Baby in a corner,” I am still partial to his portrayal of John Dalton in Road House. If you’ve seen this movie, you know how amazingly cool he was. If you haven’t seen this movie, I’m not sure I can be friends with you. Kidding…but do yourself a favor and watch it today. If you’re not familiar with this classic, Swayze plays Dalton, an undersized bouncer brought in by a bar with a seedy reputation know as the Double Deuce, to clean up its image.

What Dalton lacks in size, he more than makes up for in heart and intelligence. His role is that of Cooler, meaning he is in charge of all the other bouncers in the establishment. During his initial meeting with his new staff, he gives them three rules that he feels will help them to be successful in the bar’s overhaul.

  1. Never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected.
  2. Take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it’s absolutely necessary.
  3. Be nice.

Number one is a good rule to live by and can be applicable for most any scenario. Number two is a little more specific to security. But it was number three that has stayed with me all these years.

Be nice. It’s that simple. It’s not rocket science and it’s probably not anything you haven’t heard over and over. (Coincidentally, this last line is exactly how my wife describes every one of my blogs.) Yes, it may be simple. Yes, it may be cliché. Yes, you may have heard this so many times that it has just become white noise in your life. But it doesn’t lessen the importance of the statement. Be nice. It makes all the difference in the world.

First impressions, differences of opinion, negotiations, business deals, placing orders, resolutions, recognizing or admitting mistakes, selling, teaching, learning…all of these interactions and so many more can be made much more enjoyable or at least tolerable…and hence, more successful…just by being nice. There are no rules or script to follow to be nice. It comes natural to us if we let it. Believe it or not, it’s human nature. We just happen to live in a time and place where we feel it’s either a sign of weakness or a waste of time. Neither could be further from the truth.

When we’re nice to others, we become engaging. People want to spend time with us. And being nice is memorable. In the fast-paced world we live in where instant gratification is what most of us strive for, the moments we take to be nice become fewer and fewer. Take a minute and think all the way back to yesterday. Do you remember anyone going out of his or her way to be nice to you? More importantly, do you remember taking time to be nice to anyone else? As I mentioned earlier, it’s human nature to be nice, but we have to train ourselves to be conscious of this behavior. The more time we take to be nicer to others, the more it becomes engrained in us as our normal everyday behavior.

Now before anyone goes off and rips me for writing a ‘fluff’ piece this time around, allow me share with you the rest of Dalton’s speech. He tells his bouncers to “Be nice…until it’s time to not be nice.” I will continue to stress the importance of being nice. But I also know that, just like Dalton shared, there is a time to not be nice. That’s just life. Bad things happen. There are people in the world with cruel intentions. Sadly, evil does exist. There will be plenty of opportunities in our lives to not be nice. This doesn’t mean that we stoop to someone else’s level. It just means that we don’t have to smile and take what someone may be trying to be force upon us. We’ll know when it’s time to not be nice. And hopefully these moments will not occupy too much of our lives.

They certainly should not occupy too much of our thoughts. I’m convinced we will have hundreds if not thousands more opportunities to be nice than to not be nice. Dwell on these and not the other. Being nice is never a sign of weakness. If anything, it’s a sign of strength. It shows that we are secure enough in who we are to reach out to someone else with a smile or a compliment or a friendly gesture, not concerned with how it’s received, but confident that it is the mature thing to do.

Smile at someone today. Wave to someone from your car. Engage in conversation with your waiter or waitress. Don’t be afraid to laugh at someone’s joke. Give a compliment. There are millions of ways to be nice. And each time we choose one, we make the world a better place.